ABC's

I saw this on a blog and decided to do it!

Age:  21

Bed Size: Queen

Chore you hate: I don't have chores

Dogs: Got bit by one so not to "for them"

Essential start of your day: Brush teeth :)

Favorite Color: Can I have two? ... Red & Blue

Gold or silver: Gold

Height: 5'6

Instruments I play (or have played): Flute

Job: Night worker ... Ughhh

Kids: A beautiful girl and boy

Live: Iowa (sucks)

Mom's Name: Teresa

Nickname: Sheeda or Rash

Overnight hospital stays: Pregnancy and ...

Pet Peeve: People pointing in my face, things not being clean and being talked to like a child

Quote from a movie: "Say hello to my little friend" - Scarface

Right or left handed: Right

Siblings: On my mums side, 4 sisters & 1 brother. Dads side 1 sister (6 all together)

Time you wake up: Depends on the day and how the kids are feeling

Underwear: Only for Marlan to see :)

Vegetables you dislike: celery (why has my mind gone blank)

What makes you run late: The kids

X-rays you've had done: Chest and hand

Yummy food you make: Hopefully whatever I make tastes yummy

Zoo animal: Smell lol

Weekend Recap

Thursday
My sister in England had her baby, I was so excited about that and was anxiously waiting for some pictures so I could see what he looked like. I was happy that he was a healthy baby boy. I also spoke to my sister Ganiyat for a little while and caught up on a few more things. I cooked some chicken, mac & cheese with string beans. I really have been slacking cooking "real food" it feels like during the weekdays while I work I don't even have time to do that and also Malan had become very fussy with what she eats. We went to bed pretty early that night also because Marlan had work the next day.

Friday
Baby Marlan turned 5 months, I cant believe how fast time is flying by and how big he is getting, it really is upsetting to me for some reason how him and Malan are just growing right before our eyes. Today me and the kids were pretty much couch/ bed potatoes. I stayed on the couch for the majority of the day while Marlan was in work. Marlans little cousin Bookie came over to just chill because she was bored at home and wanted to get out of the house. It felt like I barley saw Malan all day today also, because she was in my room laying down for the most part of the day, I would go in there every once in a while to see if she needed anything and to bring her some food. I even went in and she was fast asleep.

Saturday
My friend Lindsey from work came over with her kids so we could hang out, she usually comes once every weekend but shes been pretty busy lately so she hasn't been over the past two weeks. We was chilling, talking, and watching the kids play and mess up the apartment. I was so excited today also because I made baby Marlan a bottle and I was holding it telling him to come get it to see what he would do. At first he was laying on his stomach then the next thing we know he pushed himself up into a sitting position. I was sitting there in shock like did he really just do this, I couldn't believe it and I didn't even have the camera. After that he drunk his bottle and was cool after that. We ordered some pizza hut for us and the kids, I had my plate on the floor and baby Marlan really "arm crawled" towards my plate, so I moved him back and went to get the camera so I could video him because this was the first time Ive seen him do this. He kept making his way towards my plate. I was so shocked and happy. My babies are growing up so quick its kind of sad

Sunday
I woke up to find Marlan sprawled out laying on my legs, smiled then laid back down and went to sleep. That's a shame I didn't even know he was laying on me, I didn't even hear him come in "last night", I must of been really tired. Today we all was being lazy for the most part, I had some sewing I wanted to do all weekend really and still by today I didn't get any of it done. Me, Marlan, Malan and baby Marlan was laying in bed really all day today you can say. I took a little nap before having to be at work later tonight.
Overall I had a good weekend with my family and enjoyed Lindsey and the kids coming over. Me and Marlan had the usual conversations we have, I guess I just cant "get over" a lot of things. I do love that man with all of me though!

4-18-13 Baby Noah

On 04/18/2013 my sister Modinat gave birth to a beautiful baby boy Noah. He was born at 12:12pm and weighed 5 pounds. I wish I could have been there with my sister but unfortunately she lives in England.


There is so much I wish I could have told her and so many things I did tell her and wish she had listened. Now shes in a situation where she is forced to be a single mother because the choices she made and the "man" she laid with. It hurts me that my sister is going through the things she has been through in these months alone. Out of 3 babies she ended up with one. I cant even come close to imagine how that makes her feel. I wish I could have been there for her during her whole pregnancy and even before. I pray that she finds the strength and growth to be the best parent she can be. As a big sister I would have never in a million years wanted my sister to be in the situation shes in. Don't get me wrong shes not alone because she has family members that may help her. I really pray as time goes on she saves and gets her own place where she can raise her son and that she can truly be happy and give him the childhood he deserves and also herself a wonderful experience with becoming a mother. I wish I could hold my nephew, kiss him and tell him how strong of a person his mother is. There's so much I could say but a lot of times I hold my tongue, my little sister means a lot to me and like I said to her go through what shes went through and knowing I could have potentially stopped it kills me everyday. I just pray and wish the best for her and baby Noah and make sure she makes the best decisions for the both of them not for others around her.
Thank you for blessing me with a nephew.

Rambling

I've got so much to say but never know were to begin, it always seems like one thing after another. here I've got a man I love, the father of my children, someone I want to be with for the rest of my life, but yet I don't think he cares, feels the same way or is open to letting me in. I have been with him just over 3 years 4 months but it seems like were drifting apart or I'm being thrown in the corner. He says all these things bout females and how they lie and things like that. Yet I'm a female so does that mean he looks at me that way. It's always the same conversations being brought up and the same outcome almost all the time. Me ending up in tears. Like today he talks about my money and asks were its all going because he doesn't see anything I'm buying, yet it is easy to look at my statements and see exactly were its going. He talks about girls lying that they are on there cycle yet I can show him but he doesn't want to see. Its not my fault I bleed when I do or I discharge when I do. I am on a birth control that is new to me and also my body and no matter how many times I call the doctor they will tell me the same thing. I feel like I'm paying for everything all these females have done, yet I am the one standing by his side while he has done the things he has and lord knows if he is still doing them. I'm the one who works then comes home and make sure we have a clean house, I try cook as much as I can to make sure him and the kids eat well. I try keep things in order, yet I feel I'm STILL not good enough for this man. I don't know what more I can do to prove to him he is who I want to be with and spend the rest of my life with. Like I said its always one thing after another. Am I a bad person for spending money here and there because I want my kids to have the things I never did. Am I wrong for buying my daughter probably more toys than she needs because I love to see the look on her face and her so happy when she does play with them. Am I wrong for loving a man so much that I tend to loose myself and do what I can to make sure he is happy. Yet am I sacrificing my own happiness because I am to concerned on what is going on with him and taking all the foolery he says to heart. NOT because I am doing the things he says, but because this is a man I love and his opinion of me, his opinion in general really matters to me. If he sits there and calls females h*es and says how they lie and are sneaky, are you talking about me because I am a female. Yet a male sleeps around and its perfectly fine when he has a woman at home who is willing to do anything for him. I feel like I'm in a game and there's no way out, yet even if I had the key I wouldn't use it (doesn't make sense) I feel no matter what I do I will never be good enough for this man and he expects so much from me yet I am supposed to deal with how he is or I can hit the door. How is the man I love turning into someone I feel I don't know, or someone who I feel doesn't care for me. I love this man, i truly do and I don't plan on ever leaving him. I feel its wrong for me for wanting to spend time with him, yes we live together, but that doesn't mean we spend time together. We used to have Thursdays as "our day" were we would just relax and chill, watch a movie, I cook, just something to where we are together and he said that would always be our day. Now he started working, Thursday is just another "normal" day. It would be nice if he would have said okay you can have Friday, or even Saturday. Just one day is all I ask for, one day to spend time, I mean real time with me. One day I can feel appreciated for the things I do. Now don't get me wrong this man has done so much to help me and build me into a better and stronger woman. But when that man who has did that is also the one who can break me, I don't like that. This man is something else, that's all I can really say because after everything it seems there's always a new reason for why whatever is going on is going on. I'm ready to take this test to prove to him that I don't need to lie to him, yet when it gets brought up its another way he can speak negative and say things he doesn't need to. I hope after this test he will open his eyes and see whats in front of him. I'm not saying I'm the best person in the world or even perfect because I'm not, but also I'm not doing the things he says females do and I've not slept around or anything like that, while him on the other hand has these perfect "excuses" for why he does/did the things he did.
I don't know I just needed to let some things out, I have no one to talk to and even if I did I wouldn't know where to begin with everything that's going on inside my head. I just wish one day I can be with this man or should I say he can be with me and he can truly know I'm not these other females, I am myself and the shit I go through with him and for him isn't for no reason. I want to be with this man and I want him to be with me and ONLY me. I guess that's to much for me to ask after these years though. Even for our 3 year he brought me a ring which he took back for some odd reason, but hay, he brought it so its his right. I don't even want to keep rambling because I feel like I can go on forever and still wouldn't get nowhere.
When its good, I mean its good. When its bad, its bad and it takes what seems like forever to get back! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Weekend Recap

This weekend was pretty chilled and relaxed.
1. Me, Malan and baby Marlan camped out in the living room in Malans new tent/ball pit she got for her birthday. I downloaded a movie for her and cut up some cheese and a pear for us (which ended up being for the most part all hers lol). It was so nice to see how happy and excited she was because this was something new to her. Baby Marlan ended up falling asleep and shortly after that I did the same. I woke back up around maybe 12am and Malan was still up watching TV so I ended up turning the TV off and putting her in bed, then me and baby Marlan did the same.
2. We took Malan out to eat at the Indian buffet where we live. She was so happy she had her own big girl plate and she really enjoyed the food. Malan even snapped some pictures of us all :)

We was all stuffed after that buffet so we went home to call it a night.
3. I watched the last episode of Spartacus, and yes I was in tears. I kind of knew it was going to end the way it did but it was still super upsetting. I'm STILL waiting on Marlan to catch up on the last two episodes so we can talk about it.
4. I was supposed to have my sewing 102 class, I even called up there to make sure it was still on and they told me yes so I went up there brought my material and things, waited for another 20 minutes, then went to see what was going on. They ended up telling me the class was cancelled, I then had to wait another 30 minutes just to get my refund because they've a new system they still don't know how to work it yet.

Happy 2nd Birthday Malan

I remember when I first had you, held you in my arms, kissed you, cried for you, cried with you. That day in the hospital, I didn't know where life would take me or where I would even be, but I knew one thing for sure, I had to be strong for you and give you all the love I had. I knew you needed me just as much as I needed you. It was love at first sight and from that day I would love you more and more

Then 4/10/12 came and you turned 1, so much happened in that year, so many happy memories, so many memories I would like to forget. So much learning as a mother and growing as a woman. You helped me through a lot and seeing your face everyday made me stronger and made me want to be a better person. You enjoyed your birthday, me and daddy gave you a party in Chicago with your family a few days before your birthday, then on your actual birthday we took you to the movies and out to eat (ohh how you love to eat) After that we took you and your cousins to chuck e cheese, you loved the pizza there, not the games so much

Then today came and you turned 2, oh where did the time go. A few times today I had to catch myself holding back tears. My baby, isn't such a baby anymore, you need me less and less now. Its like I find it hard to accept your not such a baby anymore, your growing up, talking more, running around, playing and laughing more. You do things for yourself now and when you need me or daddy, you let us know. I love when you lay beside me, kiss my check and say "wove you" (love you), it warms my heart. I love laying down and trying to nap before work and you come in the room wanting to lay down with me. My baby, not such a baby no more
Today we waited until daddy was of work so you could open your gifts. When he came home you sat impatiently waiting, you even was trying to chew on the boxes to get them open while daddy took of his work clothes and put on his "house clothes". Finally you got to open your gifts and was so happy in doing so. It was so nice watching you play in your ball pit with your uncle Nate. I cant wait for this weekend so we can camp out in the living room, enjoy some food and movies. Seeing you smile so much today and be so happy makes everything worth it.
Me and daddy love you so very much and want nothing but the best for you. You baby brother loves you also. We all do, you will always be my baby no matter how big you get

Weekend Recap: A little creative

I made some chalk boards for Malan with an old bookshelf. It was pretty easy and she really likes it. I grabbed some inexpensive rust-oleum chalk board spray paint and also primer from walmart. I sprayed each board with one coat of the primer, then I sprayed the chalk board spray paint. It took around 10 minutes (if that) to dry, I wiped them of with a damp rag then gave Malan some chalk and let her play
The before, after, and the bow I made
I did my first "refashion" project with a dress I purchased from Goodwill, it turned out better than I expected for my first time. I hit a few bumps and made it harder than it actually was but in the end I loved the outcome. I will have to take a picture wearing it so you can see how it fits. Before it was really big, I took in both sides and also took in the sleeves so they would be fitted versus hanging of. I also added a cute little bow and threaded out the edges to make it look a little different

I edited Marlans brothers shirt by taking off the sleeves and threading out the material on each side and also the bottom of the collar. It looked nice once he had it on.

Me and Malan made some rice crispy white chocolate covered "cakes". We didn't make that many this time, it was just something nice to do to pass time

Malan and baby Marlan, I love the relationship they have already
I also got back in the gym this weekend which was nice after not going for a while due to mother nature not being so much on my side. I can't forget that I also ordered some shoes offline and let me tell you I was pleasantly surprised how fast they got there and also how cute they were.
All and all I had a nice weekend... Every weekend is nice when I'm spending it with the ones I love though :)

Please excuse the "not so good" pictures. I quickly took them on my tablet

Ouch, that hurts

So today after work I ended up calling the college I will be attending in May so that I could set up an appointment to get m TB test done. Lucky for me they let me come in at 9:30am. I spent like 20 minutes driving around trying to find the building then another 10 walking to the building from the car. Do you know how hard that is with a almost 2 year old and carrying a 16+ pound baby in his car seat *not cool, and to only sit in there for maybe 10 minutes the most.
After that I headed to one of the clinics where we live since they said they do walk ins and I got my hep b shot done. Boy did that hurt, I told Marlan now I know why babies cry. The actual shot didn't hurt but what ever was in there entering my arm stung a little. Now all I need to do is get the 2nd part of my TB test then my next 2 shots for hep b then I will be set to do the clinical part in college *Yay me

Picture Me: March Edition

Mum, I've Got This

Baby Marlan held his bottle by himself the whole time he was drinking it :)Usually the way he drinks his bottle is by me or Marlan putting a sheet down and his bottle on top of it so he can drink it. While we was in Chicago the weekend just passed he was holding his bottle a little but would get lazy and keep dropping it. Me and Kashay were laughing because baby KJ was already holding his bottle and baby Marlan would try hold his a little when they were both eating but he couldn't really do it for to long.
Anywhoo today we were laying down and I just put the bottle in his hand and he grabbed it and drunk the whole thing, holding it himself mind you - yes I am a happy mummy *smiles
Now I know he can do this, no more being lazy big boy lol

Weekend Recap: Chicago Trip

Thursday
I was looking through my phone and seen these of baby Marlan and his daddy, taken today. I don't know where I was at.
After Marlan got of work we went drove to Chicago, I barely slept that day either and I was the one who ended up driving because I knew either way if I drove or not I still wouldn't go to sleep regardless how sleepy I was. As usual though when me and Marlan get to talking I wake right up. It was nice going down there because his mum or the rest of his family haven't saw Malan in months and they have never seen baby Marlan. The family where excited to see the baby and was saying how big he is. We got there pretty late so we didn't go out or anything.
First time Marlans mum seen baby Marlan ... Malan and her chunky face :)Baby Marlan and his cousin KJ sleepning
Friday
Marlans cousin Kashay was over his mums house with her baby Kj who is 2 weeks older than baby Marlan. That was the first time we seen him since he was born and the first time she also saw baby Marlan. Marlan went outside to run a few errands and I sat talking to Kashay and the family. We laughed at the kids playing and getting to be around each other. Malan was acting so funny with everyone, she didn't want no one to pick her up or anything. Its like she was literally glued to me, anywhere I went she was right beside me. Everyone was saying how much of a happy baby that baby Marlan is. All he was doing was laughing and smiling, oh and lets not forget blowing spit bubbles.
Malan and her little cousin KJ(Kashays baby) Kashay curled my hair :)
We was supposed to go to the mall to see if we could pick up the kids some things for summer and also to see what type of things they had there, so Kashay curled my hair for me and it looked super cute. I did feel like I was sitting there forever and would say "people really sit here this long getting there hair done". Kashay is really good with doing hair though, all different types and all different styles (it doesn't even have to be yours lol)
Anywhoo I got dressed and got the kids dressed, by the time I knew it time was passing and passing. We left the house and it was probably around 6pm, from Marlans mums we went to his cousins house so she could see the kids and we could say hay. We ended up staying there for a while and didn't even end up going to the mall. We went back to his mums and I stayed up talking to Kashay and playing with the kids (long story short)
Marlan said my hair looks nice like that :)

Saturday
We went to the mall today, Marlan wanted to get the kids a couple pairs of shoes but they barley had any in Malans size and for the baby he just got him some for when he starts walking/ his feet get bigger(just so he has them). We came back to his mums house and got something to eat seeing as we were starving.
Malans little auntie and her cousin were decorating eggs for Easter, Malan didn't want to get involved though. Instead she sat down and ate then started back being right by my side. It would have been nice for her to decorate the eggs though but like I said "she is funny acting". Although basically all weekend she was playing and talking to Marlans dog. Malan would be sitting down laughing, rubbing and playing with the dog. It was so cute.
My baby had a long day!
Malan and her cousin Jakiah
Sunday
HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE Well today we drove back home from Chicago, the drive seemed pretty quick. We stopped at Walmart before we went home though so I could get Malan some type of mini Easter eggs. When we got home I didn't even bother putting away the clothes or anything for that matter. I pumped milk for the baby, took a shower then laid down for an hour or less before having to get right back up for work.

I swear this whole weekend I felt like I barley slept and it went super fast. Although it seemed to be a lot of "bs" going on, I still managed to enjoy my weekend with my little family and it was nice seeing faces I haven't seen in a while, also new additions to Marlans family ... Back to work!