A Little Bit Of Everything

On 03-10-12 I remember being worried about still not coming on my cycle and I was thinking let me just take a test to ease my mind because I know it will come soon. After peeing on the stick I sat there for what felt like hours. I sat there saying to myself that I wasn't pregnant and that I just worry to much as usual. What came next was the total opposite, as I looked on the stick clear as day was the two lines. I sat there and cryed while my daughter sat outside the bathroom door saying "mum, ma" and banging on the door. I opened it to let her in and she just looked at me with water in my eyes. I just couldn't stop crying. I texted her dad and told him something like we need to talk then I told him how I was pregnant. If I recall he called me and said he would be home shortly, he didn't seem to phased by the whole situation. When he came all I could say was I can't have this baby, I'm supposed to be starting school and I already have a baby. What would my dad say, he "cut me off" completely when he found out I was pregnant the first time. What would people say or even think, I'm 20 years old with a 11month old daughter and I would be having another baby. We agreed I should go to planned parenthood just to be sure, so for two days my mind was racing and I was just telling myself "your not pregnant" and was still thinking I would come on my cycle soon. Maybe the test was wrong and I could stop worrying. On 03-12-12 I went to planned parenthood. I remember pulling up and there where people protesting outside about how all babies deserve a chance to survive and how they where against abortions and things like that. I called Marlan and told him I was scared and about the people outside protesting against abortions. I wasn't there for an abortion though, I was trying to find out if I was really pregnant but was this a sign for me? I walked in, did the paperwork and sat there nervous and feeling so out of place, my legs wouldn't stop shaking So many things where going through my head.The woman called me in and I had to give them a sample of my pee. As I sat there waiting for her to come back in the room I still couldn't stop shaking. The woman came in and told me that I was indeed pregnant, my heart dropped and my eyes filled with water. The woman was asking me what did I want to do and other questions I didn't feel like answering. I just wanted to go home and curl up by myself, away from the world. I had a decision to make that could change my life forever...

03-31-12 We took a trip to Chicago to have Malan a birthday party down there so she could be around her family. She was acting shy a little bit, but she was dancing and eating, she also rode around in her aunties "car"

04-08-12 Easter Sunday. We went to a friends house for an all day brunch and easter egg hunt for the children. Malan "found" 6 eggs and had so much fun and food

04-10-12 Malans First birthday. We took her to the movies and watched Lorax, she ended up falling asleep but it was a good movie. Then we went to a all you can eat buffet (Ryans) she loved the food and was running around having fun.

04-12-12 We took Malan to Chuckee cheese as a second part to her birthday outing. Malan was scared to go on a lot of the rides there but she enjoyed eating the pizza.

06-10-12 It was Marlans little cousins birthday so they decided to go a water park (which we never knew was like 10minutes away from out apt) and bbq. It was so much fun, I barely seen Marlan, considering he cant swim he kept going down the water slides lol. I had Malan with me and we was playing in the "little pool", it had places you could sit down but still be in the water. At first Malan was acting like she was scared and didn't want to be in the water, but after a little while she was trying to run off by herself and splashing all over. I was mad I had to work that night, because we would of hung out with his family a little longer. All together the day was good and when we got home I surely took a much needed nap before work.

06-17-12 We celebrated fathers day in Chicago. We went to i-hop for breakfast, we went over to his family members house because they was bbq'n and I got to meet Marlans great grandad and a few other members of his familY I never met. All together it was a nice day.

06-20-12 Well today was my birthday, so I am now 21 years old which was no big deal to me, it was just "another day". I don't drink, smoke or go to the clubs, plus I'm pregnant anyway so even if I did I couldn't. Well Marlan took us to hooters (my first time ever going). The food was good and the girls where (fill in blank). We all had fun though.

07-04-12 The Fourth Of July. Me and Marlan wasn't really on speaking terms over a silly situation I'm guessing. He ended up taking Malan outside and brought her to his family members house where she could eat, and watch fireworks. I stayed at home and caught up on some needed sleep.

07-09-12 Today was Marlans birthday, he is now 24 years old . After work I went to the store and grabbed him a birthday card, a mini cake and a bottle of wine (testing out my i.d). I left them on the kitchen table so he could see them when he woke up. Needless to say when he woke up so did I and he didn't even see his things seeing as he just went and layed on the couch. I gave him his things and he opened them and said thank you. We joked around a little then I went back to bed. Later when I woke up he didnt (couldn't) leave the house because the day before he injured himself playing basketball so his body was hurting. I went and got us some mexican food and we sat there talking and eating. He said he had a good day which was all I cared about.