Wednesday

I just felt so sick, we was doing some grocery shopping and I was feeling so dizzy, like I was about to throw up. My stomach has been getting tight and I feel more pressure building up which doesn't able me to sleep like I'm supposed to or even want to. I cleaned the apt and put up the groceries. By the time I knew it, it was already 8pm and I would need to get in the shower and leave the house by 9:45pm for work so that would leave me no time to take a nap considering I really needed one because I hardley slept all day asmuch as I hoped I could.

Today I've just been feeling somewhat bad and looking at a lot of things in life overall. I was telling Malans dad that I don't know what it is but I feel like I can't open up on my blog like I would like to. I feel like I can't be myself and express my true feelings. Would writting about certain things make me feel like I'm reliving the moment? Me and him talk a lot about past situations and I always say I wouldn't let everything that has happened depict the person who I wish to be but it seems no matter what I crawl back in a hole and hide to not face reality that has already forseen me. I need to let everything go, get a grip or something. I need to accept me for me, Its just so hard for some reason. I just remind myself "there are a lot of people in the world who feel worse than you do and have been through a lot more than you have so you can never feel sorry for yourself but happy you are here living a healthy life".